Some client live life as though there is no
tomorrow, suffer from the syndrome (FOMO) fear of missing out and end up
in a mess being visible at all the places after saying ‘YES’ and feel miserable
about it later. One ‘speaker’ confessed that accepting all those Christmas and
New year parties was primarily to be the ‘guy’ around and avoid loneliness,
although all the greasy food, alcohol, late nights did not agree with his more
disciplined routine, he still opted to keep ‘busy’. The fear/anxiety of not
being invited next year is another reason to say ‘yes’ to all the invites. Very
often people feel lonely even when surrounded by family. My advice is to be
compassionate to yourself and not be judgmental. Not blaming yourself is a good
beginning.
Some have passed this phase and self assured enough not to be unhappy
missing out on some of the outing. One of them also confessed “since I stopped
saying yes to every other invite, I have become selective. I see that my
productivity has gone up and I am able to have some ‘me time’ too. Life is less
complicated now but more busy productively.
The contribution of social media cannot be denied but the narrative of your
life ‘deficits’ or ‘progress’ should not be dictated by this. I would say that
self compassion and your initiative should take the fore front in your life.
Learn to disassociate with those bouts of loneliness by engaging in shared
activities or volunteering for a cause which gives you happiness.
Sohail had this deep anxiety of failing in his
duties for his family and kept up the social quotient for networking and being
around, not to become a social outcast. In number of sessions of counseling he
did show a side of his personality which was confident and happy. Over a few
sessions his questions about ‘parameters of success’ ‘comparisons to his
childhood/school friends ‘ were making it evident that he is not able to cope
with the social pressures around him and was being judgemental and harsh on
himself. Such apprehensions in your 40’s can lead to anxiety and fearfulness
and that was what he was facing. The year end and new year syndrome was
contributing to this too. It’s good to look at the blocks that you build
instead of what others did and compare. Very individual life has a different
narrative and no two situations can be compared. It took Sohail some long
sessions and a structured disciplined life to overcome his ‘failures’ which
were primarily comparisons.
Life is not a gamble …. Play your cards carefully.
